


The new butler

by Starliam



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: All characters - Freeform, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-01-23 04:30:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21314200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starliam/pseuds/Starliam
Summary: A collection of shots that see Thomas as the new butler of Downton Abbey, from the moment he accepted the job. Each chapter will not necessarily be related to the others.
Comments: 14
Kudos: 113





	1. January 1st

Like always, when Mr. Carson entered the servant's hall for breakfast, everyone stood. The butler gestured them to sit, but he kept standing.  
"Since we are all here together, I take advantage of this to make an announcement". It was true: even if it was the first day of the new year, everybody was already in the servant's hall, waiting for breakfast. Even Mr. and Mrs. Bates: they had their little John a few hours before, and Mary had insisted for them to stay and sleep at the Abbey. She didn't want Anna to go home so soon after the delivery, she wanted to be sure that everything was fine with her. Mary had been very protective of her, and Bates and her wife didn't want to insult her by refusing her invite. They decided to have breakfast in the servant's hall, while their little one was sleeping with the other children: after that, they would have gone home. Everybody looked around, a little surprised. No one, except Mrs. Hughes, knew what Carson was talking about.  
"Is it something good, Mr. Carson?" asked Daisy.  
"Well, I think it is. After a lot of thinking, I have decided to retire".  
"What?!" said Mrs.Patmore, while everybody looked around, shocked. The butler raised his hands, asking for silence. "You know how much I love my job, but I am not getting younger, and the many responsibilities of being a butler are becoming too tiring for me. Besides, I would like to spend more time with my wife, and doing other things".  
"We'll miss you, Mr. Carson", said Anna, sincerely.  
"Thank you, Mrs. Bates. But, I also want to introduce to you the new butler", said Carson.  
"You already found him?" asked Mr. Moleseley.  
"We did, Mr Molesley. It was... an easy decision, after all".  
Mr. Bates smiled, lowering his head. He had an idea of who the new butler might have been. Mr. Carson noticed that. "Do you think you know who am I talking about, Mr. Bates?"  
"I think I do, Mr. Carson".  
"And.. are you happy with this choice?"  
Bates was silent for a second. "I think I am, actually".  
"Good. Then, I have the pleasure to introduce you to your new butler". Mr. Carson gestured towards the door, as inviting someone in. And after one second, Mr. Barrow showed himself in the servant's hall.  
"Oh!" said Mrs. Patmore, with something between a laugh and an exclamation of surprise. Anna smiled, as did Andy and Ms. Baxter . Daisy looked confused, like the hallboys.  
"Welcome back, Mr. Barrow", said Ms. Baxter.Thomas nodded, finding it impossible to speak.  
"Very well. Mr. Barrow, would you like to say something?" asked Mr. Carson, very formal as usual. Thomas opened his mouth, and closed it again. "Yes. Well, I..." He couldn't think of anything. He couldn't even look at them. His heart was beating so fast he thought it could explode. His mouth was suddenly dry. "Yes, I... sorry". Without even raising his head, Thomas sprinted for the door, leaving everyone confused.  
As usual, Mr. Carson was able to keep his composure. "Well, it looks like we are starting off with the wrong foot, I am afraid. Excuse me". With that, he left the servant's hall to go after Thomas, leaving the other servants to their speculations. 

"Was it something that we did?" asked Daisy, uncertain.  
"Don't be silly!" answered Mrs. Patmore. "We didn't say or do anything at all!"  
"I think he is just very nervous", said Mr. Bates, very calmly.  
"Mr. Barrow, very nervous? Well, that's news. I think I never saw him like that", said Mrs. Patmore.  
"What are you talking about?" said Mr. Moleseley. "Of course he gets nervous. He tried to kill himself just before leaving his job here. He's not..."  
"What?!" exclaimed Mrs. Patmore, almost shouting, looking shocked at Mr. Moleseley, who paled. He clearly had forgot it was a secret. Ms. Baxter raised her eyes to the ceiling, and Anna briefly covered her face with a hand. So much for keeping his secret.  
"What are you talking about?" asked Daisy, very upset. "What he..." Mr. Bates interrupted her. "I think we should drop this, for now. We can explain everything later".  
Anna looked at him, and Bates whispered: "Well, the cat is out of the bag, isn't it?"  
"I'm sorry, but who else knows about this?" asked Mrs. Patmore, again.  
"Everyone now, Mrs. Patmore," answered Mrs. Hughes, taking a sip from her cup of tea.  
"But..."  
Mrs. Hughes put the cup back on the saucer. "Do you remember when Mr. Barrow was in bed with the flu? Well, it wasn't the flu". 

Outside, Mr. Carson got close to Mr. Barrow, who was looking intently in front of him, with a worried look on his face.  
Thomas didn't need to look to know who it was: he would have recognized Carson's pace everywhere. "Why I stopped smoking, Mr. Carson? I could really use a cigarette, right now". Mr. Carson stopped walking, clearly surprised at what Thomas had said. "Oh, you stopped smoking, Mr. Barrow?"  
The new butler nodded. "I did. And now I regret it".  
"Well, add it to the list". Thomas looked at Carson with an expression of mild annoyance, that Carson ignored. "What happened, Mr. Barrow? Why you left like that?"  
Thomas stayed silent for a few seconds, looking down to the ground. "I can't do it, Mr. Carson", said at the end. "I can't. It was a mistake".  
"Do you really think so, Mr. Barrow?"  
Thomas shook his head. "I don't know".  
Carson got closer to him, and Thomas turned to face him. "If there is someone who is ready for this job, Mr. Barrow, it's you. You were the under butler for a long time. You know everything about the house, about the family, about the other servants. You know what people like and what they don't like. You are perfect for this job".  
"It's not the job, Mr. Carson. It's... them. I can't work with them. They hate me. I did something bad to any single person in that room. They don't want me to be the butler, and I can't do this".  
Carson got even closer to him. Thomas didn't turn, but he could feel the fabric of the Butler's uniform that was touching his arm."Ms. Barrow... Thomas. Listen to me. This is a chance for you. A chance to right any wrong you may have done to these people. A chance to let them know you for who you really are. A chance to have finally a home, a family. A chance to do the job that you always wanted to do. A chance to become a different person. It's not a chance that you can miss, because you will not have another one like this".  
Thomas kept his head down, but Carson knew that he was crying. A small tear fell on the dirt in front of them, like a raindrop. Carson kept talking. "Besides... you weren't watching when I made the announcement, but I was. I looked at their faces. There were a lot of smiles. No one looked disappointed. Maybe surprised, but not disappointed. Even Mr. Bates was smiling. I can assure you, Thomas, that you have all their comprehension. They know you, they learned that you are not the kind of person that they thought. They want to work with you. When you left, many times I heard people saying that they were missing you". Thomas raised his face, looking at Carson with a hopeful face. "Is it true?" he asked.  
"Of course it is. I am not the kind of person who lies, you know that". Thomas kept looking at Carson, without saying a word. He dried the tears with his hand, and Carson finally said: "So... are you ready to give them your first speech as a butler?" Thomas looked at him and nodded.

When both butlers entered again in the servant's hall, everyone stood, as usual. Carson gestured them to sit and then, without speaking, looked at Thomas, who raised his head for the first time. He could see a lot of curiosity on the faces in front of him. No one seemed openly hostile, and Ms. Baxter and Anna were smiling. Daisy had an encouraging expression on her gentle face. So, he found the courage to speak.  
"I... I'm sorry for earlier. I guess I felt too overwhelmed, and I needed to calm down a little. I only wanted to tell you that is a true honor for me to work here as a butler". The words, that earlier he seemed he couldn't find, where coming out of him easily.  
"Downton has always been my home, the only place where I have ever put down roots. I always wanted to have a permanent position, and being a butler at the Abbey is a dream that comes true, for me".  
Again, he looked around. No one said anything, they all were listening carefully.  
"But... there is something I need to address. I know that I have... bad history with almost anyone here. And I know that it's been my fault. But lately... let's say that I have had the time to reflect on the past. I promise you, I will not make the same mistakes. I know what I did wrong, and this place and you all are too important for me to take the risk of ruining everything. I hope that... that you too will be happy to work with me". Again, Thomas looked at them. What they would have said? No one spoke for a few seconds, and Thomas felt his heart dropping. He was right, they didn't want him...  
But then, Anna spoke loudly. "Welcome back, then, Mr. Barrow". She laughed, clearly pleased, and her welcome was followed by others. Thomas couldn't say anything more, or he would have started crying again.


	2. January 23

Anna was taking advantage of her little baby's afternoon nap for folding some laundry. It was almost time for tea, when she heard a knock on the door of the cottage. When she went to open, was surprised to find the new butler of Downton Abbey, with a smile on his face and a basket in his hand. "Mr. Barrow! What a surprise! Is everything fine with..." asked, suddenly worried: Thomas had never visited her before.   
"Yes, yes, everything is perfectly fine, don't worry", answered the butler. "May I come in?"  
"Of course! I was about to make the tea!"  
Taking off his coat and his hat, Thomas entered in the warm cottage. It was the first time that he was there, and looked around. Everything was cosy, with a fire in the fireplace, toys scattered on a colorful rug, and pictures and paintings hanging from the walls. A nice smell was coming from the kitchen. Everything reminded him of a home he never really had. He was distracted from his sad thoughts by Anna's voice. "Please, sit down, Mr. Barrow. I'll fetch the tea. I think I still have some cookies..."  
"Actually - said Thomas putting the basket on the table - I have something here". He took out from the basket a plate covered with a kitchen towel, under which there was a chocolate cake that looked amazing."Oh, Mr. Barrow, that is so nice! You shouldn't have!"  
"Mrs. Patmore made it after I told her I was coming here".  
"Well, thank her very much".  
"I also have this one..." This time, Thomas took out a newborn onesie, showing it to Anna. Mrs. Bates took it, smiling fondly. "It's lovely. Thank you, Mr. Barrow. You are always so nice". That seemed to surprise Barrow, who looked at her.  
"Am I?" Anna smiled again. "Yes, you are".  
"Funny. I wouldn't say that of me". Anna seemed to think about it, while she was pouring the tea in the cups.  
"I think you don't have enough faith in yourself. There was a time in which I wouldn't have said that of you either. But you changed. And people changed their idea about you. It's time for you to see that". Anna turned to get a knife to cut the cake, and Thomas changed the subject. "How are things going? How is the little one?"  
Anna smiled again, cutting two slices from the cake. "Oh, he's perfect. I couldn't love him more. He's sleeping now, but he will be awake soon. Then you can play with him if you'd like". Thomas smiled openly. Everybody knew how much he loved kids. "I would love that! I only saw him once, a few hours after he was born".  
"Yes, and even if he is only three weeks old, he is already grown so much," said Anna again. Then she sat down, passing a slice of cake to the butler. "And how is your new job going? Are you happy?"  
"I am, yes. I started only a week ago, so things are still a bit... hectic, I would say. But surely everything will be going on much more smoothly very soon".  
"I am sure of it. So, to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?"  
"I... wanted to see how everything was going. You are still an employee of the Abbey, and I felt the need of checking how you were doing. Besides, when do you think you will go back to work?"  
"Oh, I think in a couple of weeks. Johnnie is getting in a routine, so it won't be too complicated. I will let you know before, of course".  
"Is there something I can do for you?"  
"What do you mean?" asked Anna, a little confused.  
"I mean... I am really happy that you want to go back to work. I never approved of how it was expected from women to stop working after having a child. But I understand that being a working mum might be complicated... so, if sometimes you need some accommodations, or anything like that, please let me know. I will gladly try to help".  
"That is very nice of you, thank you so much. I will definitely keep that in mind".  
Thomas cleared his throat, before saying: "And... of course this is valid also for Bates..." Anna smiled. "Why don't you tell him yourself, Mr. Barrow?"  
Barrow looked uncertain. "You are right. I definitely will". For a moment, it looked like he wanted to say something, but he couldn't muster the courage. Anna offered him another slice of cake.  
"Anna... are you... happy that I am the new butler?"  
Anna smiled fondly. "Yes. I am. Truly".  
"After everything I did... to you and Bates..."  
"It doesn't matter anymore. It's the past".  
"You are too nice. Probably you don't even know all of the things I did..."  
"Really, there is no need to talk about them. Unless you have any other reason to do so. Just keep in mind that now that you are the butler you are responsible for all the others. Be careful of what you are doing. They need to trust you to be able to work with you and to do what you order them".  
Thomas nodded, thoughtfully. "Thanks. I'll keep that in mind". 

"Ah, Mr. Bates. If you wouldn't mind to come here for a second..." said Thomas that night, right before dinner.The valet nodded, entering in the butler's office and closing the door. Thomas gestured towards a chair, inviting him to sit. A little surprised, Bates obeyed. "I went to see Anna, today", started Thomas.  
"Oh," Bates raised an eyebrow, but he didn't say anything, so the butler continued talking. "I just wanted to be sure that everything was fine and I asked her when she wanted to come back to work. I think it's important to be sure that everyone under my supervision is fine and happy".  
"I... think you are right, Mr. Barrow".  
"Good. I will tell you what I told her. If you need some accommodations to take care of your little Johnnie, please let me know. I will try to do my best to help you".  
"Thank you, Mr. Barrow. That is very kind".  
"I just started, but I would like to create a... more friendly work environment, I'll say it like this".  
"And for what I'm seeing, I think you are succeeding,'' answered Bates.  
"Really?" On Thomas' face there was that expression of uncertainty that had become familiar, for Bates. In the last months of his job at the Abbey as under butler, Thomas had shown many times that same expression. Bates felt the need to reassure him. Barrow was actually doing a very fine job, Bates had been honest.  
"Yes. Answer me this, Mr. Barrow. Am I standing or seating?"  
"You're seating".  
"Exactly. You invited me to sit very easily. Mr. Carson never did that. Normally, if it was something quick, we would just stand in his presence. And another thing: you spend much more time with the other servants. The other day you were checking the books in the servant's hall, while Ms. Baxter was sewing and the maids and hallboys were joking and laughing with each other. The atmosphere in the room was very... cosy, and homey, I would say. I am sure that no one here ever had that feeling. And I am sure that you noticed how everyone feels comfortable around you, even joking with you".  
"Are you saying... that they are going to love me more than Mr. Carson?"  
Bates hesitated. "It's too early to say that, Mr. Barrow. But I think that you are on the right path". Thomas smiled. Bates was about to stand, but he changed his mind. There was another thing he needed to tell Thomas.  
"When... before you found your job with Sir Stiles, I saw how Mr. Carson was behaving with you. He kept reminding you that you were going to be out of a job soon, and prompting you to find something else, even if there was no need. I didn't like that. I thought he was acting in a very unprofessional way, and as a butler, he should have acted differently. He made you feel unwelcome in your own home. And yet I didn't tell him anything. Not because I was scared of him, but I knew it would have been useless. He would have not cared for what I had to say, and I probably would have been reprimanded for nothing. So I didn't speak. Now, I'm telling you this, Mr. Barrow, because I don't see it likely for this to happen, with you. I know that we had our... problems, in the past. But I am confident that you will be a good butler, a butler that will be a reflection of the new times and the new way of life". That was another thing. Thomas had always thought that Carson was too anchored to the past. Things were changing, and there was no need to behave in certain ways. There was no need of being extremely formal with the maids (provided they still respected him), for example.   
With a final nod, Bates got up and left, leaving Thomas with some things to reflect on.

The next day, after lunch, almost everyone was chilling in the servant's hall, with a cup of tea. There wasn't so much to do, different members of the family were out for the day. When Thomas entered the hall, everybody stood like usual, and he gestured them to sit again. He had a book under his arm. It was the wine list, and Thomas sat down and opened it, marking something with a pen. Daisy brought him a cup of tea, and he thanked her with a smile. Then he started working again on the wine list, sitting next to all the other servants. He raised his head and met Bates' glance: the valet smiled at him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea for the ending came after watching some episodes in which Carson reminds different times to Thomas that he needs another job. I saw how Bates looked at Thomas, like knowing what he was feeling.


	3. February 15

Mark Gilmore was a very... interesting person. It wasn't Thomas' job to have an opinion about the Crawleys' guests; but he couldn't avoid to notice how he seemed unpleasant.   
He was invited because he could probably become a new partner in the Crawley estate. Some new constructions that Gilmore should have realized with his construction company, something like that. Thomas wasn't really interested in the details. He just didn't like the man, for no reason in particular. The way he was behaving at the table, the way he was speaking, some things he said that were utterly embarrassing... He just hoped this partnership didn't go as planned, he wouldn't have liked to have him as a guest again. 

That night at dinner, Thomas was as usually supervising Andy and Molesley, that had been called again in order to help with the guest. The Crawley wanted to show a perfect table and a perfect night, and two footmen were necessary to serve food faster, without letting anyone wait. Thomas was, as usual, in charge of the wine; and he was currently checking from his position to see if anyone needed a refill, while trying at the same time not to listen to the conversation. For some reason, Gilmore had started a rant about men like Thomas. Everybody at the table was tense, except Gilmore himself, who apparently didn't notice how the Crawleys were desperately trying to change the subject. They all knew about Thomas...inclinations, and Branson and Henry Talbot were glancing nervously towards him, as fearing that he might explode.   
And in the end he did explode, but not how they had expected. Lady Cora was trying again to change the subject, and at her polite "I really think we shouldn't discuss these matters at dinner", Gilmore answered with a rather radical and surprising affirmation. "Well, you are right, Lady Crawley, of course you are. I just think that our society is getting totally ruined by the presence of these people. There is nothing else to do, they should be all hanged". The bottle of red wine that Thomas was carrying to the table slipped from his hand, and fell to the floor with a loud "crash", making everyone flinch. The red liquid spread on a rather big portion of the immaculate floor, along with shards of glass.   
"Barrow, are you alright?" asked immediately Lord Crawley, while Thomas' wide eyes were fixed on the damage. "I... I am fine, my lord. I am really sorry about this, I must have... Andy, please clean this up, while I am getting another bottle from the cellar". Without letting anyone time to process what he said, Thomas left the room, quite unceremoniously.   
Lady Mary sighed, and Tom wiped his mouth with a candid napkin, before saying: "I'd better check to see if he's fine. He looked rather pale". With that, he stood and left the room.   
"It almost looks like your butler wanted to leave this room as quickly as possible", joked Gilmore.  
"Lucky him that could manage that", answer the Dowager Countess, with one of her famous ironic smiles. 

Tom reached the cellar right while Thomas was coming out of it, with another bottle of red wine in his hand.   
"Ah, Barrow, here you are," said Branson. "Give this to me, would you?" Tom took the bottle form Thomas' hand, without waiting for him to answer. "Now, I am really sorry for what just happened upstairs, and I swear that if it was up to me, he would be out of this house without finishing the dinner".  
"Thank you, sir", answered politely Thomas, but feeling quite embarrassed. He imagine Branson knew about him, at that point, but had never talked about that. He was still pale and looked pretty shaken. "But it's fine, I shouldn't have left my emotion show like that".  
"Nonsense. Now, I will not have you waiting on him or pouring that man wine. It's the least I can do. I will bring up this bottle and I'll tell the others that I found you very unwell, and I sent you to bed. We can manage with Andy and Molesley".  
"That is very generous Sir, but I don't want to create any problem".  
"I can assure you Barrow, that the problem here is not you. And if I have any word in the matter, we will not do any partnership with that... man".  
With a small smile, Tom left to go back upstairs with the bottle of wine, while Thomas made his way towards the servant's hall. 

There, he found Baxter, Anna and Bates, and all of them stood as he entered. Thomas just let himself fall on the nearest chair, and everyone looked at him, rather perplexed. "What happened?" asked Baxter. "You seem... shocked".  
Sighing, Thomas decided to answer honestly. They would have known anyway, there was no way that something like that would have been kept as a secret. "I... was dismissed from the dinner with Gilmore. Or, it's probably more accurate to say that I dismissed myself".   
Anna looked at him, and Bates raised his face from the newspaper. "What does it mean?" asked Anna, perplexed.   
"I was so unsettled by something that our honorable guest said, that I let slip the bottle of wine from my hand. I went to fetch another one, but Mr. Branson came to me and told me that they could make it with Molesley and Andy alone and that I was free for the night".  
Baxter, Bates and Anna all looked at each other. They looked worried. "Was he mad?" asked Baxter.  
"Mr. Branson? No, on the contrary. He was actually really nice. He said he would have liked to throw Gilmore out of the house". The other three looked even more perplexed, and Anna voiced their question. "But what did Mr. Gilmore say?"   
Thomas didn't answer for a long moment. They all knew about him, but talking about his preferences, still made him uncomfortable. "He... said that men like me should be hanged".   
Anna opened her mouth, and Bates shook his head. "Oh, my", he muttered.   
"Well - said Baxter after a minute of silence - that explains why Mr. Branson was mad at him. I am sure that the rest of the family is, too".   
Thomas looked a little dubious. "We'll see".   
Without speaking, Anna stood and left the room. She came back after a couple of minutes with a steaming cup of tea and some biscuits, that put in front of Thomas with a warm smile. The butler couldn't quite smile back, but he tried. 

They spent some time in silence, sipping tea, reading the newspaper and sewing. After a while, Thomas looked calmer and more relaxed. He also started a conversation with Daisy and the others about her possible relationship with Andy. All of them were joking when His Lordship in person entered the servant's hall, and everyone scrambled to stand. It wasn't usual that Lord Crawley came downstairs, and he quickly told them to sit. "Please, be seated, don't worry about me. Barrow, there you are. I came here to tell you that I am deeply sorry for what happened earlier. I didn't tell him off only because I didn't want to cause a scene and... well, you breaking that bottle distracted all of us. But Gilmore will not be welcome here ever again, and we are not going to do any business with him, I can assure you that".  
"It would be unfortunate if you had to lose a good business because of me, my lord", said Thomas.  
"I am not losing anything, and it's not because of you. It's because I don't want to have anything to do with him".  
"I am glad to hear it, my lord".   
Lord Grantham smiled a little. "Well, good. We have almost finished anyway. Gilmore probably understood our feelings toward him, and he decided to leave with his car after dinner. He is not spending the night here as it was planned at first".   
Everyone in the room looked relieved, and Lord Grantham said again: "I will ring for you right after he leaves". Without waiting for an answer, the Earl of Grantham left.   
"Well, that's good, I guess," said Ms. Baxter, with an encouraging smile. Thomas looked cautious. "I am glad to know that the family doesn't agree with such ideas, yes".  
"You knew about that, already", intervened Anna.  
"Yes. Yes, I did. But it's still nice to feel safe".


	4. February 23

"It's just what stupid Branson would do, to lose his child in the damn woods!" Thomas was fuming, while he was quickly changing his elegant shoes with a pair of sturdy boots. He let the shoes drop on the floor with a loud "Thud!".  
"Don't be so mad," said Anna, in her usual gentle voice. "You know how children are... maybe she followed a squirrel, or another animal. It just takes a second for them to run away".  
"Yes, it takes a second if you are not watching them!"  
Anna and Bates, who was changing his shoes too, looked at each other. Just twenty minutes before, Mr. Branson had arrived at the Abbey on the verge of tears, after a picnic with his daughter. He couldn't find her anymore. He got distracted for a couple of minutes, and she was gone. Everybody was getting ready to search for her, before it became dark.  
"Don't worry, Mr. Barrow", said Andy in an almost too happy voice. "She can't have gone too far. Nothing is going to happen to her on the estate, anyway".  
"Oh, really?" mocked Thomas. "What if someone kidnapped her?"  
No one was really thinking that Miss Sybbie could have been kidnapped, but they didn't want to pick a fight with Thomas. "We need to move," said Mr Bates. "We have a few hours before it gets dark".  
The servants walked towards the stairs, and Thomas turned to face Mr. Bates. "If something happened to that kid... I swear to God, Branson is a dead man!"  
Anna , Bates and Mrs Hughes exchanged a glance: they knew that Thomas was only speaking out of worry. They knew how much he loved the kids. 

The family, the servants and some people living on the estate dispersed in the countryside. The women were going to talk to the different tenants, while the men were going to search the woods. Branson was understandably desperate, but his desperation lasted less than a hour: a hallboy came screaming that Miss Sybbie was safe at home. 

The servants were enjoying a cup of tea, after the cold and the humidity suffered outside. "Of course Miss Sybbie would have gone to look at the calves!" said Miss Baxter, with a big smile. Apparently, the kid had walked into the woods until she reached the farm of one of the tenants, were she ended up playing with a calf. When the farmer had seen her, she had told him who she was, and he had personally brought her back to the Abbey. "Well, all is good now", Anna was smiling too. "I hope our little Johnnie never gives us a scare like this one, or I might have a heart attack!" she joked.  
"It's almost time to prepare for dinner," said Mrs. Hughes. "I'll ask Mr. Barrow..." she didn't finish the sentence. With eyes wide open, she looked around.  
"Where is Mr. Barrow?" Asked Daisy. "Did he come back at all?"  
Miss Baxter exchanged a glance with Anna. They hadn't seen him since they got separated for the search. "Andy, quick, go search for him in the attic. Maybe he came back all dirty and went to clean up without telling us", ordered Mrs. Hughes. "Please, be quick". Andy nodded and left.  
"He wasn't with us, when me and Andy got the news that Miss Sybbie was home", said in a flat tone Mr. Bates. "He had gone searching on his own".  
"Is he really still outside?" asked Mrs. Patmore, coming from the kitchen.  
"If he didn't know that Miss Sybbie was safe, is quite possible that he is still in the woods, I'd say", said again Mr. Bates.  
"But it's too dark to keep searching", said Anna, looking worried.  
"It doesn't matter," answered Mrs Hughes. "I'm sure that he would not come back, unless he knows for certain that the kid is found".  
"I heard that once he searched all night for Lord Grantham's dog," said Daisy. "Is it true?"  
Mr. Bates didn't know if it was true about the dog. He had heard the story too, and it looked weird to him that Thomas could do that for a dog. But it was true that Thomas had showed different, hidden aspects of his personality, and he had revealed to be a more tender and caring person that everybody could suspect. And anyway, if it wasn't true for the dog, it was certainly true for the kid: Barrow would never stop searching for Miss Sybbie, it didn't matter how dark and cold could it be.  
"He's not in the attic," said Andy frantically, almost running in the servant's hall.  
"I'm going to talk to His Lordship", said Mr. Bates, knowing what that meant: there was going to be another search party soon.

The men were ready to venture out in the night again, while many of the women were asked to stay, in case Thomas came back to the house on his own.  
Everybody hoped it was going to be something fast... where could have he gone? Thomas wasn't a kid, there was no way that he was playing in a farm.  
So, when after almost two hours Mr. Bates came back in the servant's hall, cold, dirty and wet, Anna and the others hoped to see Mr. Barrow behind him. But the valet just shook his head. "I had to come back," he explained. "My leg was really hurting".  
"No news?" asked Mrs. Hughes, pale and worried.  
"No," said Bates, gravely. "At this point they think something happened to him".  
Anna and Miss Baxter exchanged worried glances. No one dared to speak for another hour, when they heard the noise of someone running down the stairs, and the voice of Mr. Branson. "We found him!" he shouted, and everyone stood.  
"Mrs. Hughes, I need to call an ambulance!" said to the housekeeper, panting.  
"Of course. Come with me, Mr. Branson", answered her, guiding him into Mr. Barrow's pantry. Again, no one spoke. An ambulance meant that he was hurt. But at least he was alive.  
After the telephone call, Tom entered the servant's hall, where others asked him about the butler. "I need to go and get the wagonette, to bring the others home. But we found him. He was passed out in a ditch. We think he fell and hit his head or something like that. We covered him with our coats, but he was so cold... I touched his face, and he was so cold and pale I thought he was already dead". Tom Branson finished the sentence with a hint of desperation in his voice.  
"But he wasn't," said Anna.  
"He wasn't, when I left". No one answered, but Miss Baxter looked like she was ready to cry.  
"I need to go. I told the ambulance where to find him, the others are with him, trying to keep him warm. We'll come back soon". With that, Branson left. 

The light was too much for him. Instinctively, he rolled over, to protect his eyes. He felt warm, and it wasn't a bad feeling. The only thing he could remember was cold... a lot of cold. He opened his eyes very slowly. Someone was in the chair next to his bed. Tom? Branson was there? Why?  
"Oh, you woke up, at last", chuckled Branson. Thomas looked at him: the former chauffeur had dark circles around his eyes, and he looked like he hadn't slept a lot. Suddenly, a thought dawned on the pit of Thomas' stomach. "Sybbie!" he almost shouted. "Miss Sybbie is..."  
Branson interrupted him. "Don't worry, Miss Sybbie is fine. We found her much before we found you".  
Thomas seemed confused. "We don't know exactly what happened - said Branson again - but while you were searching for Sybbie, you must have fainted and fell into a ditch, hitting your head. But Sybbie was already home, a farmer found her and brought her before it became dark. We saw that you didn't come back, and so we started searching for you".  
Thomas visibly relaxed. "May I have some water, please?"  
"Sure". Branson got the carafe of water that was on the nightstand, and poured some of it in a glass, that he handed out to Thomas. "Do you need help?" He asked.  
"I can manage, Sir, thanks". Hesitantly, Thomas grabbed the glass from Branson's hand, who didn't let it go until he was sure the butler could hold it. After drinking, Thomas made a satisfied noise. He really felt better.  
"You have a mild concussion - was explaining Tom - and a beginning of hypothermia. It was really cold, and you laid in that ditch for hours. Luckily we found you on time, but... but you looked dead".  
It was true. For hours they had been searching for Thomas, knowing that they couldn't stop even in the dark. It was cold, too cold, and he couldn't stay out for too long. They needed to find him.  
After hours of searching, Tom was humid, muddy, tired and cold. How could that happen? Where did Thomas go? It was all his fault. If he hadn't lost Sybbie... Suddenly, he heard shouting. "He's here! He's here!" It was Henry's voice, immediately followed by the one of Lord Grantham. Tom started running towards the voices, where he saw both Lord Grantham and Henry that were taking Thomas out from a ditch, helped by the hallboy.  
Sir Robert, Henry and the hallboy were taking off their coats, and Henry put his under Thomas' head, while Robert covered him with his coat and the one of the hallboy. Tom took off his coat too, while Robert was shouting: "Tom, run to the house and call and ambulance! Tell them where we are!" Tom put his coat on Thomas, and touched his pale cheek. He retracted his hand immediately, shocked. "Are you sure he's alive...?"  
"Tom, we need the ambulance! Run!" With a last glance to the unmoving body of Thomas, Branson run. 

Now, Thomas had much more color on his still pale cheeks.  
"Yesterday..." Tom cleared his voice, and kept talking. "You almost gave your life for my daughter".  
"I would give my life for your daughter everyday", mumbled Thomas.  
"But why?" Tom sounded surprised, and Thomas looked at him without answering.  
"I mean... of course I'm very glad to see this kind of devotion towards Sybbie... but this goes beyond the normal loyalty of a butler..."  
"Are you sure, sir? Do you think that Mr. Carson would not have done the same for Lady Mary?"  
"Do you want to become like Carson?" retorted Tom.  
"No, sir. But you know what I meant".  
Tom sighed. "Yes, I do. Is just..." He seemed unable to finish the sentence, so Thomas spoke again."The truth is, sir, that I love children. And I love your child. You knew that already. You saw me playing with them everyday. I couldn't stand the idea of Miss Sybbie lost outside in the cold, all alone. And I can't exactly remember what happened, but normally searching for a child lost in the countryside is not a dangerous activity, I must say".  
Tom chuckled. "It was all my fault. I didn't think she would... I was watching a stupid house. One of those cottages completely ruined, and I was thinking if it could be possible to fix it, and after a second, she was gone. I was so stupid. I got so scared..."  
"It must have been a terrible experience, sir. But don't get mad at Miss Sybbie. She is a very curious child, and I think is a sign that she is very smart".  
Tom smiled. "She is. But I got mad, and I told her she can't walk away from me like that. She also started crying when she learned you were in the hospital. If that's okay with you, I'll bring her later to visit you".  
Thomas smiled. "I would love that, sir".  
Branson sat quietly for a while, and Thomas started thinking if he had to say something, when the former chauffeur spoke again. "I know that you don't like me, Barrow... but I am glad that you are watching over my daughter".  
"I have no reason not to like you, sir".  
"And yet you don't".  
"I wouldn't say that".  
Branson sighed. "I think I understand. We were the same, and then I married Sybil and I became your superior. But I didn't do it to "marry up". I didn't use Sybil, and I was uncomfortable living here for a long time. I was in love with her. I'm sorry if this made you uncomfortable, but I didn't do it with that purpose, of course. I couldn't leave her, I just couldn't".  
Branson looked at Thomas: the butler was looking intently at him. "I understand," he said at the end. "It wasn't easy to serve one of my former colleagues, I will admit that. But Lady Sybil was my friend. She was always nice to me. And she was an amazing person. I can't blame you for falling in love with her".  
Tom lowered his eyes. "I miss her", he said, like he was talking to himself.  
"I know," answered Thomas, very quietly.  
"I really hope you are happy, as a butler. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable". How could Thomas say that Branson didn't really do anything to make him uncomfortable, except... well, becoming his superior?  
"You didn't do anything, sir. I'm fine, and I love being a butler at Downton. Is what I always wanted to become".  
"I'm sorry... that you almost died because of my disattention. I promise I'll make it up to you".  
"There is no need, Mr. Branson. Miss Sybbie did what all the kids do. And I know that you were the one calling the ambulance, so you already made it up, even if there was nothing to make up for".  
"Oh, please. Everybody would have done it".  
Branson stayed quiet again. It was clear that he was thinking. Thomas decided not to speak, until the other man was ready to do it.  
"You know, she... Sybil... considered you to be her friend, too. She always said how you cared for your patients, and how good you were. I'm sorry if I didn't tell you before".  
Thomas tried to answer, but he couldn't. He found his throat blocked by something, and the tears were forming in his eyes.  
"Thanks," said at the end, very softly. The two men stayed sitting there, one on the bed and the other one in the chair, in silence, for a while.


	5. March 10

Thomas was enjoying his half day in Downton village. It was cold, but it wasn't raining or snowing, so he had decided to take a stroll in town, and maybe buying some supplies he needed. Since he had stopped smoking, he had found that he had more money left, at the end of each month, which was definitely a good thing.  
He was currently debating if he needed to buy some new socks, when he heard his name, shouted from the end of the street.  
"Barrow!! Hey, Barrow!"  
What...? Thomas turned towards the voice, and saw Tom Branson running towards him, waving his arm in a clumsy salutation. Thomas tightened his lips. Even if they had shared some moments when Thomas was in the hospital, following Miss Sybbie's disappearance, they hadn't become friends, and in that moment the butler preferred to be left alone. Branson kept running and smiling, waving his hand, and Thomas looked at him, curious. Something was off. Branson tripped on his feet, almost falling on the muddy street. He caught himself on time, and arrived in front of the butler with a big smile, panting for the physical exertion.  
"Hi, Barrow! How are you?" Thomas noticed how his eyes were glassy and his speech slurred. Getting a little closer, he could feel the smell of alcohol. Of course, he thought.  
"I am fine, Mr. Branson, thanks for asking. And what about you, sir?"  
"Oh, I..." Branson chuckled. "I am fine too. I'm very happy right now".  
"I bet you are". Thomas looked around. "Are you alone, sir?"  
"Yes. I came here to meet a supplier, and we had a beer together. Then he left, and I had another beer. And another. And maybe another, and maybe also a whisky" chuckled again Tom.  
Thomas tightened his lips. Damn. He briefly debated if he could leave him by himself, and go back to do what he was doing. He quickly decided it wasn't a good idea. Branson was in no state to be left alone, and if something happened to him... Thomas didn't particularly care about Tom, but he definitely didn't want him to end up beaten up or dead in some dark corner. Just his luck.   
"What about... what about a beer, eh? Like the old times?" Said Tom after a second. Barrow couldn't remember any "old times" in which him and Branson had a beer together.  
"Actually, sir, I was about to go back to the Abbey," lied Thomas. "Why don't you come with me? We can have a nice walk together".  
"A walk?" Branson looked perplexed, and Thomas couldn't stop himself from smiling. Honestly, Branson was funny when he was drunk. "Yes, sir. A walk. It's a nice day, and the crisp air will be good for you".  
Branson frowned a little. "Y...yes. Why not".   
The two men started walking slowly towards the Abbey. Branson's steps were very uncertain, and more than once Thomas had to catch him before he could fall. At the end, he just offered his arm to the former chauffeur, so that he could avoid tripping altogether. Branson laughed a little. "Thanks".  
"My pleasure, sir". Well, it wasn't true. With some difficulties, Thomas successfully brought home a very chuckling Branson, who instinctively walked towards the main entrance.  
"No, sir, let's go from the back", said Thomas, steering him towards the servant's entrance. "Hopefully no one will see you, at least".  
Walking towards the gallery, the stairs where even more difficult to do: Branson was always tripping into nothing; and Thomas ended up almost carrying him. Luckily, no one was around.  
"We are almost to your room, sir". Branson suddenly stopped in his path, almost making Thomas fall. "Wait!"  
Thomas sighed. "What, sir?"  
"I need to go to the lavatory".  
"Of course, sir". That was probably a good idea. Efficiently as usual, Thomas steered Branson towards the restroom, opened the door and gestured him to enter.  
"Do you need help, sir?" Please, say no.   
"N...no, I think I'm fine". Branson entered and slammed the door. Almost immediately, Thomas heard him retching violently. The butler pinched the bridge of his nose, hoping that he hadn't done a mess for the maids to clean. Well, at least Branson didn't puke on Thomas while they were walking. After a few minutes, Branson opened the door. He was pale, and he had splashed water on his face. "Are you alright, sir?"  
"Y.. yes. I think. I need to go to bed".  
"That was precisely what I was going to suggest". Again, Thomas helped Tom walking in the hallway, towards his room. He opened the door, while Branson started fumbling with his tie. "Don't worry, sir, I am going to help you".  
Thomas absolutely didn't want to undress Branson, but he couldn't wait hours for him to do it. From how his hands were shaking, that tie would have been there forever. Thomas took off his tie, and then his jacket. Then he started unbuttoning his shirt. "Where are your night clothes, sir?"  
"My...? Oh. Under the pillow". Thomas nodded, retrieving a light blue pajama. Very efficiently and quickly, Thomas dressed Branson in his night clothes, lightly swatting his hand away when Tom tried to help him fumbling his hands. Tom chuckled again. When Branson was safely tucked under the blanket, Thomas said: "Well, sir. I will tell His Lordship that you are sick. On the nightstand there is a carafe with water. I suggest you to drink some, when you wake up. I will send you a tray with the dinner later, even if I suspect you will not want to eat. If you need something, please ring. I will try to tend you myself, to avoid any... rumor spreading".   
"Thank you, Thomas". Before the butler could correct him, reminding him to call him "Mr. Barrow", Branson kept talking. "If they ever want to sack you again, I promise you I will personally hire you as my valet".  
It was Thomas' turn to smile. "Thank you for the kind offer, sir. But I think Lord and Lady Grantham will need a butler for the foreseeable future".  
"Mmm. Just saying".  
Branson's eyes were already closed, and Thomas waited a few moments before leaving, just to be sure that he was sleeping.  
After watching Branson for almost a minute, being sure that now he wouldn't wake up for a while, Thomas quietly left the room with a smile on his face. He had to admit it, Branson was kind of a funny guy, at least when he was drunk.


	6. March 15

It was almost time for bed. Thomas, Bates, Andy, Ms Baxter and Anna were relaxing in the servant's hall, knowing that soon some of them would have been summoned to help their employer getting ready for bed. In the kitchen, Mrs. Patmore and Daisy were cleaning up.   
Bates was reading the newspaper, Andy was checking some books from the farm, Anna and Baxter were sewing, while Thomas was relaxing quietly on the rocking chair. Everything was silent, the only voices that were heard were the ones of Daisy and Mrs. Patmore, coming from the kitchen."Daisy, take those jars, please".  
"Yes, Mrs. Patmore. I need a chair, it's too high for me. No, wait, maybe I can reach them..."  
Andy got up to go to help Daisy, when three loud "crash" came from the kitchen, followed by the voice of Daisy: "Oh, no! I'm fine! Don't worry, I'm fine!"  
Anna smiled. "Looks like the jars ended up on the floor". Bates chuckled, but stopped immediately once he saw Thomas. The butler had become incredibly pale, and had a scared, almost haunted look in the eyes, wide opened.  
"Thomas?" said Bates alarmingly, getting up quickly and getting closer to the butler, who now was panting and shaking violently.  
"Thomas!" almost shouted Bates, grabbing his face in his hands. "What is going on? Can you hear me?"  
Barrow moved his eyes in the kitchen's direction, then started crying, covering his face with the hands. Bates sat in the chair in front of his, still holding his face.  
"Shhh, calm down, Thomas. Nothing is happening. They were jars. Nothing more. Can someone bring me a blanket, please?"  
Phyllis left the room in a rush, to fetch a blanket, while Mrs. Patmore and Daisy were coming from the kitchen, followed by Andy. "What is going on?" asked the cook, surprised.  
"Shell shock," answered Bates. "The jars".  
"I'm so sorry, Mr Barrow," said Daisy, almost crying.  
"Well', let's leave him some space," said Mrs Patmore. "Let's go make him some warm milk. Warm milk makes everything better". Baxter came back with a warm, wool blanket. She gave it to Bates, who draped it over Thomas, covering also his head except the face, isolating him from the rest of the room, where Anna and Phyllis were standing, stunned.  
"There, here it is. You feel protected now, do you?" Bates was talking in a very soothing voice, smiling a little. "You are safe, you know. It was nothing, only the jars breaking. No one is going to hurt you, not here". Thomas was still crying, and his look was still terrified, but he was already shaking a little less. He started frantically scratching the injured hand, covered by the glove. "No, no," said gently Bates, lowering it again. "Leave this hand alone".  
Right in that moment, the little bell that corresponded to Lord Grantham's dressing room started ringing.  
"Oh no, not now," said Bates, looking at the bell on the wall. "Andy, please, go up to His Lordship and tell him what is happening. I can't quite go".  
As a matter of fact, Thomas was now gripping Bates' hands like a lifeline, and Bates kept holding his gaze, gently brushing his thumb on his wet cheek. After a couple of minutes, they heard the noise of someone quickly walking down the stairs, and His Lordship entered the servant's hall almost running, followed by Andy.  
"Bates, what is going on?" He got closer to Bates and Thomas, kneeling in front of him to look at his face. "Andy says it's shell shock, but... are you sure?" asked Robert in a quiet voice.  
"Yes, quite sure, my lord. It started after Daisy dropped some glass jars. The noise must have started it".  
"What...? He came shooting with me different times and nothing happened!"  
"I don't know what to tell you, my lord. Sometimes these things happen unexpectedly, for no real reason".  
"Do we need to call Dr. Clarkson?" asked Lord Grantham.  
"No, I don't think so, my lord. He seems to be a little better already". Thomas had almost stopped crying, and was also shaking much less. Daisy arrived with a glass of milk, and stopped at the sight of Lord Grantham. "Here, take this, Bates", said Robert, giving his valet a clean handkerchief.  
"Thank you, my lord". Bates took the handkerchief, and used it to dry some of the tears from Thomas' face. The butler now seemed to be much better, and Lord Grantham stood once again, putting a hand on Thomas' shoulder. "Now, Barrow, get some rest tonight. If you don't feel like working tomorrow, you can have the day free. And you, Bates, don't worry about coming to help me undress, I can do it by myself tonight. I will see you all tomorrow morning. Good night, Daisy," he said while he was leaving, looking at the bewildered assistant cook, still standing with the glass of milk in her hand.  
After a few minutes, Thomas was relaxed. He was still a little pale, but he had stopped crying and shaking. He just looked very tired, and very sad. He draped the blanket tightly around himself, and just stayed there, like every energy had drained from him. Bates remained seated in front of him, without talking. 

"Good morning, Barrow. Are you feeling any better?"  
"Yes, my lord. Thank you for asking. I'm totally fine now".  
"Good, I'm glad to hear it".  
Mary looked at Barrow, surprised. "What does it mean? Were you unwell?"  
"I had some problems, yesterday, my lady. Nothing to worry about".  
"Our Barrow had a shell shock episode yesterday night, before going to bed".  
Branson and Henry raised their head. "That sounds tough", said Branson. "I'm sorry to hear it, Barrow".  
"Thank you sir, but now I'm fine", answered the butler.  
"And Bates took care of it," said again Lord Grantham. "He took the matter in his hands and was great helping Barrow".  
"Oh, well, that's good news. It sounds like you and Bates are on good terms then", commented lady Mary, looking at Thomas.  
"Yes, my lady. We are definitely on friendlier terms than before. He was really kind last night, and I will always be thankful to him for helping me. By the way, my lord, I am sorry that Mr. Bates couldn't come to help you getting ready for bed. I am confident that I won't have this problem ever again".  
"Don't worry, Barrow. The important thing is that now you are fine".  
"It must have been scary", prompted lady Mary.  
"It was... definitely surprising, my lady. It never happened to me before, so I didn't know how it was".  
"Mary... maybe he doesn't want to talk about it," said gently Henry to his wife.  
"I'm sorry, Barrow" said Mary. "I'm afraid I let my curiosity speak for me".  
"There is no problem, my lady".  
"Well, I just want to say that you have nothing to be ashamed of, Barrow. You served your country valiantly, you were injured and as a result of those terrible experiences, it's normal to have some repercussions. It happens to a lot of men who were at the front".  
"That's true, my lord. However, in ten years I never had an episode like that one. I hope it was only a one time thing. I love this job, and I wouldn't want to jeopardize my position for this reason".  
Everyone at the table stayed silent for a moment, then Branson spoke. "I'm sure no one was thinking that, Barrow".  
"I'm sure, sir. I didn't mean to offend you, of course".  
"You didn't, Barrow. But please, don't think for a minute that you will be dismissed over this. Tom is right, I didn't even think about it" said Robert.  
Thomas cleared his throat. "I'm... very glad to hear it, my lord. I would hate to disappoint you".  
"You are doing a very fine job, Barrow", said lady Mary, with a smile. Barrow just nodded.

Right before dinner that night, Barrow went to see Lord Grantham in the library."My lord... here is the handkerchief that you lent me yesterday night. I personally washed it and pressed it for you".  
Robert smiled, taking the handkerchief. "Thank you, Barrow. You look even better than this morning. It looks like everything is fine".  
"Yes, my lord. Like I said today, I am confident that I will not have other episodes that could constitute a disruption of my work".  
Lord Grantham sighed. "If you are thinking about Mr. Lang... he wasn't exactly dismissed because he had shell shock. In his case, working at the Abbey was probably a cause for his episodes. It was a war hospital at that time, and for him must have been extremely difficult working here. Like you said, you had a single episode in ten years, and we are not planning to create another war hospital at the Abbey anytime soon. We can also ask Daisy to stop dropping jars on the floor". Lord Grantham ended the sentence with a smile, to make clear that he was joking.  
Thomas smiled a little too, and thanked him again.

But there was another person he had to thank. Luckily, he found Mr. Bates by himself in the servant's hall, reading the newspaper. As usual, Bates stood, but Barrow asked him to sit, before sitting in front of him.  
"I... wanted to thank you, Mr. Bates. For what you did yesterday. I... don't think I would have been able to handle it by myself. And I also don't think that the others would have been able to help me like you did".  
Bates stayed silent for a few moments. "I don't think I did anything special, Mr. Barrow. You needed help, and I was there. But I accept your thanks, and you are very welcome".  
"Do you think that... that it will happen again?"  
"I can't say that. It's possible that it doesn't. You started a new job, the job that you always wanted, only two months ago. This must be very rewarding, but also stressful. You want to prove to His Lordship that he did right in hiring you as a butler. This might have put more pressure on your shoulders. Don't think too much about it".  
Thomas stayed quiet for a few seconds, looking at his hands. "Will you... will you help me again if I need it, Mr. Bates?"  
He looked like a child. A scared child. Bates couldn't help but feel a pang of protectiveness towards him. "Of course I will, Mr. Barrow".


	7. March 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly didn't understand exactly how many people at the Abbey knew about Anna's rape, in the end. And I couldn't figure out if Thomas learned about it or not. So, this is my take on how he might have found out about what really happened with Green.

Things were quiet that day. No one was expected for dinner, only the family. Almost everyone was in the servant's hall, chatting and joking around.  
"Just give me a kiss".  
"Not now, Andy. I have to start preparing for dinner".  
"Oh, come one. Just one". Daisy laughed a little, avoiding Andy that was coming closer. "I really have to go", said the girl, holding his hand for a minute. Thomas looked at them. Since they had officially started dating, almost everyday the other servants had to assist to scenes like that one. It was like new generations didn't want to keep these things private anymore. Andy smiled, getting closer to Daisy, that blushed and turned her head on the other side, laughing. Andy laughed too. "Oh, you will make me lose my mind," he said, trying again to get a kiss. Enough, decided Thomas. He was about to send both of them out and back to work, when Anna abruptly stood from her chair. "Leave her!" she shouted, walking towards them. "She doesn't want to kiss you, do you understand that?"  
Daisy opened her mouth, shocked, while Andy took a step away from her. "Mrs. Bates... we were joking..."  
"No you weren't! You can't force her!"  
"Anna, enough!" Thomas didn't like to shout at the other servants, but he didn't understand what was going on, and he felt like he needed to put an end to it, whatever it was. Andy and Daisy quickly left the room, and Anna turned to look at him. She was angry and pale."Did you see what he was doing? You are the butler, it's your job to intervene! Carson would have never allowed that!"  
Thomas was shocked, he had never seen her so angry. "Anna... I agree, they shouldn't do these things in public... but they were just joking around..."  
"It didn't look like a joke to me!"  
"You don't really think Andy would hurt Daisy, do you?" asked Mrs. Patmore. She looked bewildered like Thomas. "They are always playing like that".  
"Fine. I have work to do". With that, Anna left in a hurry, without taking with her the skirt she was mending.  
"Well, you will need to address that, Mr. Barrow," said Mrs. Patmore, before standing to go in the kitchen. "Something is going on with Anna".  
Something sure did. Thomas didn't see her again until after dinner. 

"Anna, can I please have a word?" His tone was serious, but polite. Anna shook her head. "I'm really sorry, Mr. Barrow. I know I overreacted. I don't know what's gotten into me. I'll apologize to Andy and Daisy first thing tomorrow morning".  
Thomas looked at her. She was still pale. "That is good to know. But I'm more worried about you. You never act like that. In all my years at the Abbey, I don't think I have seen you losing your cool like earlier".  
Anna sighed. "I told you, I don't know why I reacted like that. I must be tired. I'm really sorry, I was unprofessional".  
"I wouldn't say unprofessional... they were indeed acting improperly in front of everyone... but you seemed very, very upset. You never get that upset, definitely not for a kiss".  
"It wasn't a kiss, that's the thing. He was tying to... force her... to kiss him. She already said no".  
"He was joking. And she was joking too. They always do that. They are young and..."  
"And what, Mr. Barrow? It's not an excuse. But of course, you are the one who kissed someone who was asleep, so what do you know?"  
Thomas opened his mouth, shocked. What the hell was happening? "Anna..."  
"Please, Mr. Barrow, leave me alone!"  
She tried to leave, but Thomas got in front of her. He needed to know what was going on. "Anna, wait..." he took her gently by the arm, and then it happened: Anna hit him violently across the face.  
Thomas covered his cheek with a hand, shocked. Anna looked at him, shocked like him. Then she looked at her hand, like her arm had acted on its own will. Then, she ran away, and this time Thomas didn't try to stop her.

The next day, Thomas entered the servant's hall for breakfast, with a black bruise on his cheek. "What happened to you?" asked Bates, bewildered. Anna kept her head lowered on the table.Thomas looked at her. "Nothing, Mr. Bates. I didn't feel very well yesterday, and I must have fainted and hit my face on the nightstand".  
"If you fainted, you need to see the doctor", said Mrs Hughes, serious.  
"Thank you, Mrs. Hughes, but there is no reason to worry. I feel great, today. Let's just have breakfast, we have a long day in front of us". 

After those years, Mrs Baxter was still the one in which Thomas knew could always confide. So, when they found themselves alone in the servant's hall that afternoon, it was easy for him to tell her the truth, when she asked him: "So... what really happened to your face?"  
He just said "Anna". Mrs. Baxter looked at him, surprised. "Anna hit you? Why?"  
Thomas raised his shoulder. "I would really like to know". He told her everything, and Mrs. Baxter remained silent after that. It was suspicious. "What is going on?" asked Thomas. "You know something, do you?"  
Phyllis tightened her lips. "I don't. I only suspect something".  
"And what do you suspect?"  
Phyllis lowered his eyes on the table. "Do you remember when she was arrested, because she was suspected of killing Mr. Green?"  
"Yes, of course I remember. Why?"  
"Well, do you remember that you thought that I knew something about it, and you made me talk to the police?"  
"Yes, Phyllis, I remember everything," said Thomas, impatiently. "But why?"  
"Well, I didn't really know anything, but I understood that there had been some kind of... incident... between Green and Anna. And that's why the police suspected her".  
"But... what has this to do with her behaviour now?"  
"I think... Green hurt her. When he was here as a valet. I understood that he was... well, he raped some women. Women similar to Anna. In the end, he was killed by one of his victims". Thomas paled. Was it possible that...? Of course, now everything made sense. Why she had reacted that way, seeing Andy who was trying to kiss Daisy. Why she had hit him, when Thomas had tried to force her to stay.  
He remembered other things: the big bruise Anna had on her face for days. Her skittish behaviour, and how she seemed to avoid everyone, especially Mr. Bates. He thought they had a fight, he didn't really think... Oh, God.  
"My God," exhaled Thomas. "That is... awful".  
"I don't know if it's true, though," said again Phyllis. "I'm just suspecting it". 

Thomas decided to summon Anna in his pantry. He almost expected Bates to be there too, but she came on her own. She was pale, and clearly upset. Without letting him time to speak, she started apologizing.  
"Mr. Barrow... I really can't say how sorry I am. There is nothing that I can say that can make it better. Of course... I totally understand if you want to dismiss me. I just..."  
Thomas raised a hand. "I am not going to dismiss you, Anna. Please, sit".  
Surprised, Anna sat in the chair in front of him, while the butler served her some tea.  
"The mistake was mine, Anna. I thought about last night, and I shouldn't have taken your arm, or tried to make you stay when you wanted to leave. It was unprofessional, and I apologize.  
"Oh, Mr. Barrow. It wasn't your mistake at all. I know you would never hurt me".  
"Still, I wasn't respectful. It's not how a butler should act".  
"I... I accept your apology".  
"Thank you. Now, I would like to address your reaction. First, I wanted to tell you that I spoke to Andy and Daisy, and they promised me that they were only joking, and they will not to that again. I told them that they shouldn't joke like that, and that when two people love each other, they always have to respect the other person's will. I think they understood. Especially Andy, looked quite guilty, and he assured me he would never try to force Daisy to do anything. I hope they really understood". Anna looked relieved. "Thank you for addressing that, Mr. Barrow. I got a little upset at... how they were joking".  
"I saw that. And I understand that. I am more concerned about you, really".  
"What do you mean?"  
"I mean... I don't know if it's true, but... You know, nothing stays secret in this house for long..."  
Anna lowered her eyes. "You know about what Green did to me..."  
Thomas swallowed. "I... hoped it wasn't true..."  
Anna shook her head. "It is true, unfortunately. It is true".  
Thomas felt sick. He couldn't believe it. "That explains... everything".  
Anna, still her head low, wiped a silent tear from her cheek. "Yes, but still... I hit you... and I told you some horrible things".  
"It doesn't matter, Anna. I don't care. I wish things were differently, and your reaction was prompted by something else. Don't worry about me. And I am sure I can't really do anything now, but please, let me know if you need something".  
Anna smiled a little. "You are very kind. But no, I am mostly fine now. I am happy with my job and my family. I never had any problem like yesterday, and I hope I will not have a reaction like that in the future. I hope I didn't hurt you too much".  
"Oh, no, you didn't. And don't worry, of course I am not going to sack you. Everything is like always, for me". Anna smiled again, and someone knocked on the door.  
When Thomas said "come in" Bates entered. "I'm sorry, I was searching for my wife".  
Then, upon seeing her red, puffy eyes, he looked at Thomas. "Is anything the matter, Mr. Barrow?"  
He looked ready to punch anyone who might have hurt his wife, and Thomas immediately said: "Don't worry, Mr. Bates. We were just having a chat".  
"I see".  
Anna smiled. "Mr. Barrow and I had a clarification. I will tell you everything at home".  
"You will tell me why you were acting so weird yesterday?" smiled Bates. "I feel like it's connected to Mr. Barrow' bruise".  
Anna laughed a little, blushing. "It is. But it's not his fault, so don't hit him".  
Bates smiled, looking intently at Thomas. "I won't".  
Anna got closer to Thomas. "I am really sorry for what I told you about Mr. Carson... and about the kiss. I know that often we say that when you are angry you say what you really think, but... I swear it's not the case. I am happy to have you as a butler".  
Thomas smiled, relieved. Bates looked even more confused, and even more curious.


	8. March 29

When Bates entered the servant's hall that afternoon after luncheon, he found a peculiar situation: his wife Anna was standing on a low stool, while Baxter was taking her measurements. Mr. Barrow was overseeing the work with a critical eye, while the long table was full of big pieces of fabric, thread, pencils and pieces of paper.  
"What is going on?" asked Bates, curious.  
"Mr. Barrow is taking a stand", answer Baxter with her usual, sweet smile.  
Bates raised an eyebrow. "With my wife?"  
"Not only your wife," said Thomas, without looking at him. "Also with Ms. Baxter and Lily".  
"Mmm". Bates looked while Baxter took the last measurements for his wife, and while Thomas helped her getting down the stool.  
"I think I have everything, Mr. Barrow. We just need to be sure of the style that you want to give to these... female liveries".  
Bates was now definitely curious. "What is going on?" he asked, smiling at Anna.  
Thomas answered with another question. "What do you think of the fact that women are not allowed to serve at table, Mr. Bates?"  
The valet looked surprised. "I... never thought about it, really".  
"Well, think about it now. Why a woman can't serve at dinner?"  
"I think it's just an old, unwritten rule. I don't think there is a reason, really".  
"Exactly. And since now women are successfully fighting for their rights, as a butler I decided to take a stand in their favor".  
"By making them serve at dinner?" Bates looked doubtful.  
"It's not the act of serving at table," answered Thomas. "It's the idea behind it. Serving at a nice dinner in a noble house is considered a prestigious job. So prestigious, that women are not considered suited to do it. I disagree. Is the same idea behind the rule that a maid shouldn't answer the front door. Why a footman or a valet can, and a maid can't?"  
"I don't disagree with that, Mr. Barrow. But... exactly, when are you planning to do this?"  
"Next week, when Mrs. Levinson is going to be here, with the other guests".  
"Don't you think it's too much to do it at that kind of dinner? Maybe you should try it on a normal night, with just the family".  
"Mrs. Levison is American, she wouldn't mind," said Baxter. "Actually, I think she would like it".  
"And the other guests are not noble, and some of them are also involved with the movement for the voting rights and other fights for women," said Barrow. "I think everyone will appreciate it".  
"Maybe... but your problem will be His Lordship... Have you cleared it with him first?"  
"Of course not".  
"Of course". Bates shook his head. Then he met his wife's eyes, and they shared a small smile."Did you agree to this?" asked her Bates.  
It was Thomas who answered, surprised. "Of course she did! I asked everyone first".  
Bates wasn't really surprised. While his wife had never joined personally the movement for women's right, he knew that she supported it. Also, Anna had inside her a very combative side. She was the sweetest person he had ever met, but she was also the strongest.  
"Well, then, may I suggest something, Mr. Barrow?"  
Thomas looked impatient. "Yes, you may, Mr. Bates" He had spoken with the "old Barrow" inflection, the one that suggested that you may very well say something, but he wouldn't listen to that. While he had changed a lot since a few years before, sometimes the "old Barrow" was peeping out again.  
Bates pretended not to notice it. "I would suggest you to speak about your idea with Lady Mary first. Maybe also Mr. Talbot and Mr. Branson. They are young, and I think that they will back you up, if things shouldn't go as you wish. It's not ideal to risk jeopardizing everything that you worked for in all these years".  
Thomas seemed to reflect on that. "Thank you, Mr. Bates. Maybe I will do that".  
Bates felt a little bit better. He would never have thought it was possible, but he liked Barrow as a butler, and he didn't want to see him sacked over something like that.  
"He will not get sacked," said Anna, like she could read his mind. "I can't imagine Lord Grantham sacking him for something that in the end is also kind of funny. Also, while it's true that he is the butler, we all agreed. If Mr. Barrow gets sacked, we will all resign".  
Oh. Well, they were serious, that was for sure.  
Ms. Baxter, that until then was focused on writing something on a piece of paper, raised her face, to look at the butler. "What about trousers instead of skirts?"  
Thomas' face lit up. "Trousers for women? What a great idea!"  
Bates looked very doubtful again.

Thomas' heart was beating so fast he thought it was about to jump out of his ribcage. In the end, he had decided not to talk to Lady Mary or anyone else. He was scared that she could say something that could be enough for him to change his mind. He didn't want to change his mind: he was a different person from Mr. Carson, and they needed to know that. This dinner was a way for him to show that. Carson represented the old times; he was a representation of the new ones.  
He looked at Andy, Anna and Baxter, plus the new young maid, named Lily. They were all smiling, and Lily was beyond excited. Andy was wearing his usual livery, while the women were wearing a new creation by Baxter. Some kind of female version of a livery, with a black skirt, a white shirt, black jacket and a white, silk scarf in place of the tie. In the end, they had thought that maybe wearing trousers would have been too much. Next time, perhaps.  
"So, everyone ready? Andy will serve the meat, Anna the fish, Ms Baxter the vegetables, and Lily the sauces. I know that many of you have never done it before, but don't worry too much. Just remember what I told you, and if you don't know what to do, just look at me or Andy. Everything is going to be fine". Anna, Lily and Phyllis nodded and smiled at him.  
Mrs. Patmore was checking for the last time the trays with the appetizers, and Thomas went upstairs to announce that dinner was ready, and the guests followed him in the dining room, sitting at the long table and amiably chatting with each other.  
Then, the butler went downstairs to tell the others to come up with the trays. It was time.When they entered in the dining hall, following Thomas that was holding the wine carafe, the butler surreptitiously looked at the reactions of the guests. Lord Grantham's eyes went wide with astonishment, and he couldn't take his eyes off Anna, Lily and Baxter that were going from guest to guest with their trays. Mrs. Levinson and Isobel Crawley smiled openly, and Mrs Levinson also exclaimed: "Oh, maids serving dinner! How nice!".  
Sir Branson and sir Talbot were chuckling, watching Lady Mary, who looked amused and smiled at Anna, who reciprocated the smile. The other guests too looked pleasantly surprised, and Thomas started relaxing a little. Maybe he wouldn't have been sacked. Maybe.  
"Barrow, Molesley wasn't available?" asked Lord Grantham, serving himself from the vegetable tray brought to him by Baxter.  
"Actually, My Lord, I decided to try something different, for once. Our maids are trained in every aspect of the job, and I wanted to show you how good your staff is".  
"And your idea had a great success, I would say," said Isobel Crawly, smiling at him.  
"Those... uniforms are really nice," said Lady Grantham. "Did you create them?"  
"It was Ms. Baxter's idea, my lady".  
"Oh, Baxter! I knew you were good with clothes, but I didn't think you were able to come up with something like this. You should sell them on a catalogue".  
Baxter smiled. "Thank you, my lady".  
Lord Grantham looked a little confused, but the talk around the table quickly went back to business.  
Barrow definitely relaxed. It looked like everything went well. 

"Did you know about it, Bates?" Lord Grantham was in his dressing room, and his valet was helping him undress for the night. Bates hesitated before answering."Yes, my lord, I knew about it. After all, my wife was involved in the idea. I was present the other day, when they were taking measurements and talking about the uniform".  
"Mmm".  
"Are you upset, my lord?"  
"I don't know, Bates. I don't know. I don't have anything against maids serving at table... I'm not like Carson on this. At the same time, I would appreciate if my butler told me about any idea he might have, instead of surprising me in front of my guests. What should I do?"  
Bates stayed quiet for a moment. "I think you can tell him how you feel, my lord. You don't look angry, so it shouldn't be an unpleasant conversation. I think Mr. Barrow wanted to show you that he is capable of taking a stand, and that he is... more modern than Mr. Carson".  
Lord Grantham smiled. "I didn't have a doubt about that". 

Thomas was surprised that His Lordship hadn't talked to him about the maids serving at dinner. He almost feared that he would have been summoned that very night, in order to get a scolding, or a request for an explanation. Instead, nothing happened. It was after breakfast the next day, that Lord Grantham asked him to meet him in the library.  
"Barrow, I wanted to talk to you about what you did last night at dinner", started His Lordship, without any introduction.Thomas cleared his throat.  
"My Lord, I apologize if that inconvenienced you..."  
"Let me finish, Barrow".  
"Excuse me, My Lord".  
"I'm not mad at you. Actually, I spoke to some of my guests, and they were all enthusiastic about that. I'm not joking, they absolutely loved it. And Anna, Baxter and Lily were very professional. It almost looked like they always served".  
Thomas smiled: he couldn't help but feeling very proud of them."I'm also thinking about implementing it", said again Robert.  
"E... excuse me, My Lord?"  
"You heard me right. Not every day, of course, but sometimes. And I would like to pay Baxter for creating the uniforms. It must have took her a lot of her free time".  
"I already paid her, My Lord. But that is nice of you, and I'm glad to hear that you liked our little experiment".  
"What do you mean, you already paid her?"  
"I did. I gave her some money from my salary. To her and to Anna and Lily. All of them used their free time to really learn how to serve, and to try on the uniforms. So I gave them something".  
"Barrow. I'm impressed. It was really important for you, was it?" Lord Grantham sounded almost surprised. He hadn't expected Barrow to be the kind of person to care so much about something.  
"It was, My Lord. I wanted to show you... what I want to do as a butler. I agree that times are changing, even for families like yours. But not necessarily it's a bad thing, like Mr. Carson thought. I'm convinced it's a possibility to bring some positive changes into everyday life. Our world doesn't have to disappear, it only has to change to follow the transformations in society. And maybe to anticipate them. If we don't change, that is when we'll disappear. If we want everything to stay like it is, everything has to change, My Lord".  
Lord Grantham kept his eyes on Thomas. He looked moved, and he had to clear his throat before speaking again.  
"Barrow... I really appreciate your efforts. I understand what you mean, and believe me, I can't say how I am touched by your affection for my family. Thank you. Thank you so much".  
Thomas looked moved too. "I'm glad to be the butler of Downton, my lord. I hope you know that".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The sentence "If we want everything to stay like it is, everything has to change" is not mine. I took it from the novel "The Leopard" of Giuseppe Tomasi di Lampedusa, a masterpiece of Italian literature. The story is about a noble family in Sicily, who has to live in the time in which Italy becomes unified, and nobility gets less and less important. I will suggest you to read it, if you like the subject.


End file.
